Friday's Child

At 8:15 am, July 5, 2013, he came into the world, weighing a mere 1.8 kg (just under 4 lbs). He wasn't breathing, but Rachel (Andersen) and Susanna (the nurse) revived him. His mother, a sixteen-year-old student at the Polytechnic School, came to Susanna with "period pains", keeping his existence a secret until the very last. 

Among the Gabra, having a child out of wedlock means being utterly cut off from society. If your baby's father is an older, more established man, he may perhaps redeem you through marriage, likely as a second wife, but if the father is young, marriage will do nothing to help your case - it seems many girls choose not to even identify the father. I was told that there is a sacrifice that can be made, if a new mother's family is willing to accept and take her back in despite everything: A pregnant sheep would be killed, and its entrails poured over the mother to redeem her - she would then return to her family, taking her place among them as if a widow. As it is extremely unusual for a widow to ever re-marry, this means all one's hopes of a "normal" Gabra future could be permanently dashed at a very young age.

 

After having kept her pregnancy a secret for seven months (the baby was premature), this new mother is now facing the reality of potentially being completely ostracised by her family and friends. She isn't from Kalacha, but has been studying here at the technical school, so we will see how her family reacts within the next few days - whether they will come to take her, or if she will be left alone. 

I know that in North America, similar situations can be found all around, but at the very least, there are pregnancy resource centres, support networks - systems set up to catch those whose families let them fall. Here, there is nothing if you don't have family or friends who are willing to break with culture and take you in - the missionaries are the support system.

I visited the mother and the newborn baby yesterday afternoon to afford Susanna a rest (the amount of work she does is beyond comprehension) - I was supposed to relieve Rachel of the same duty (she too had been working all day to take care of her whole family and help Susanna with the newborn baby); the mother wasn't exactly emotionally stable, so I was just going to keep her company. I held the tiny, tiny little boy, and he brought tears to my eyes - my heart melted completely. He was so small and perfect and had to be held near - even in the desert heat, there is danger of him catching cold. I couldn't stop smiling. He is beautiful. It broke, and breaks, my heart to know how unwanted he is, and breaks me again to think of the mother and what she will do. She looked so, so young. ... Because she is, I suppose. 

Just as Rachel was about to leave, after leaving her alone all day, the mother finally received visitors. Some older women came in first - it was incredibly sad to see the lack of compassion on their faces; I didn't understand as they spoke in Gabra, but by Rachel's estimation, they were chewing her out for having had premarital sex/a baby. The reality is, I suppose, that it couldn't be avoided forever.... But the mother's younger sister came in next with friends, and it seemed that they were more loving. They went out again to a duka to bring her back a gift, and some of the women who visited later also brought a gift. It was encouraging to see some who were more caring. When it came down to it, however, no one was willing to take her in for the night, so for now she stays with Susanna. Yesterday, they reached her mother, and today her family has come to stay for a few days - we'll see what happens next. 

News seemed to spread around town quickly. I was at the nomadic girls' school earlier in the day to visit some teachers, and when I said hi to some of the standard eight students, they asked many questions about the mother and child, though I had not much information to give. I told them what I knew, having not yet visited the mother, and made a comment about her likely being lonely, and how I hoped that her family would accept her. "Tsk tsk, nooo!" "No no, of course not!" - These were the responses from the girls, young teens mostly, to that hope of acceptance! I had a chance to respond and attempt to explain the importance of love and support even when someone has done something that goes against culture, and reminded them that we do not even know her story and should not be so quick to judge. I hope they actually listened and that this opens up opportunity for further discussion. From what I've witnessed and been told, the Gabra are not a people quick to forgive. Rachel made what I thought was a very profound comment as we stood together watching the older Gabra women speaking to the mother in the clinic - "There isn't room in Christianity for those who aren't willing to forgive." It's almost ironic, when we think of all the times people, even, and at times especially, "Christians", rail on others for their mistakes, calling attention to their sin at every chance, throwing love to the side in an effort to punish someone for breaking the rules. It completely misses the point: grace.

The baby has now been given a name; it's a derivative of the Gabra word for "Friday" (there are male and female names for every day of the week): Adano. Please think of and pray for Adano and his mother tonight, that they would feel how valued and loved they are despite the shame being heaped on the young mother, and that grace and forgiveness would be shown, by her family especially.